


A Talk About Life

by lazilycoolllama



Series: Tales from the Juvie House [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, They all swear like sailors, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 13:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14045256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazilycoolllama/pseuds/lazilycoolllama
Summary: A bunch of One-Shots from my little world.These four kids that have banded together to cause havoc and get through this crazy thing called life will have some crazy adventures.





	A Talk About Life

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to attempt and get over writers block for something else I'm working on, but I kinda like what I set up. Idk, if you like it let me know if I should continue this? Thanks!

The house was stuffy. The stifling summer air made everything sticky and gross. To top it off, the air conditioning had broken. The entire house felt like a sweatshop. Sam laid on top of his blankets, attempting to ignore Carlos snoring like a chainsaw across the room. His whole body was covered in sweat. Even after stripping to just his boxers, he was hot.

Normally he could sleep through the heat. Being passed around the system in Texas had resulted in him being able to sleep through some extreme situations. Of course, that was also the reason he wasn’t able to sleep now.

It was whatever. Some mental fuckery that kept him from sleeping. It had been worse before he had been taken in by Tsuyoshi. The therapist he had been forced to see had said it was some form of PTSD. Fuck that. He just had trouble falling asleep. Nothing to stress over.

Sighing, Sam sat up. His hair fell into his face as he studied the door. Normally when he couldn’t sleep he would work out. Attempt to get the latent energy out. Unfortunately, with Andrew sleeping over in the living room, he didn’t have his usual spot. He could go for a run. It wasn’t like their neighborhood was bad, but the police had been patrolling his usual paths the last few nights. Sam didn’t need to get pulled over for some bullshit reason. The cops practically had his mane of curly hair memorized, and they always pulled him over for a shakedown when things were suspicious.

You rob a convenience store once or twice and suddenly you were a criminal.

Well… yeah. He was. That wasn’t the point.

With his usual spots unavailable, Sam was resigned to the roof. Pulling on a tank-top, he climbed out the window and started shimming up the railing. He tried to be as silent as possible, avoiding the places he knew creaked the most. He didn’t want to wake up Tsuyoshi and get a gun to the head.

Now _that_ was PTSD.

He hoisted himself onto the warm tiles, rolling until he got his footing. Standing, he stretched, viewing the neighborhood.

It wasn’t a bad neighborhood, like he said. The house he lived his was situated towards the middle, and on top of the roof he could see for miles. The only obstruction to his view were the occasional trees and two-story buildings. It was familiar; a sight he had often seen. A sight that made his gut curl.

Sam turned and walked over the crest of the roof. The moment he passed it, he groaned.

“Ugh, what the fuck are you doing here?”

Ella snorted, “What does it look like, fuckface?” Around her were makeshift instruments and a laptop covered in stickers and wires. A stack of books stuck out of her backpack, and a set of large headphones hung around her neck.

“Still looking for the aliens?” He asked, going to sit next to her. She shrugged, typing something onto her computer.

“How do you know I’m not just trying to rejoin my people?” She said.

Sam chuckled, “You make a very good point. With glasses like those, who knows? They’re very alien like.”

Ella glanced over at him, shoving her oversized round glasses up the bridge of her nose with her middle finger. She was a small girl, her limbs as gangly as a new-born giraffe. The shorts and spaghetti-strap shirt she wore hung off her loosely. Her blond hair was plastered to her face with sweat, and a faint burn was showing across her cheeks.

“Yes. How did you see through my brilliant disguise?” Her voice was dry, with only a small lilt of humor. She was obviously tired, the black circles under her eyes almost like bruises. Her voice had taken on a whole new level of dry sarcasm that she only achieved on three hours of sleep and four Redbulls.

“Hey I’m observant. Unlike Kate, I actually notice these kinds of things,” He said, leaning back on his hands and feeling the bumps on the tiles digging into his palms. His head tilted up towards the sky, eyes tracing the stars.

Ella rolled her eyes, “Kate thought I was a boy for three years. Just because I don’t subscribe to the laws of gender roles doesn’t mean I’m not a girl. I can fucking multitask.”

“Hell yeah,” Sam held out a fist, and Ella tapped her own into it. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep your alien heritage a secret.”

“Even if I was bright green and had a tail, I don’t think Kate would notice,” Ella said. “The woman is an oblivious nightmare.”

“Yeah…” Sam let his voice trail off, and for a moment there was just silence between them. The only sounds were the distant sirens of police cars, an argument a block away, and the chainsaw snores from Carlos coming from the open window.

That’s what Sam liked about Ella. She might be only fifteen years old, but she was more mature than she seemed. Probably from the trauma of her abhorrent step-father, but she was nice to hang out with. She was comfortable with the quiet. She didn’t take your shit.

Still, she wasn’t unbreakable. As Sam looked over at her, he noticed the slight shake in her shoulders.

“Aren’t you tired?” He asked, already knowing her answer.

“So, what?”

“So, it’s not healthy,” He responded.

She let out a short bark of laughter, “Oh yeah, like you’re one to talk Mr. I-Repress-My-Emotions-And-Hope-They-Go-Away. News flash, we all know you’re just as fucked up as the rest of us.”

“This is a Group Home,” Sam raised an eyebrow at her. “For kids who nobody wanted.”

“Yup. The system really did us a favor,” Ella grabbed a book from her backpack and flipped through it. It was covered in numbers and symbols. Probably code.

“At least Tsuyoshi likes us.”

“Tsuyoshi likes you because you two are fucking cousins,” Ella pointed out. “He likes me because my mom was besties with his mom. He likes Carlos because who doesn’t like Carlos? And he likes Kate because we can’t get rid of her.”

“Whatever,” Sam sighed. “You’re impossible.”

“I’m realistic. There’s a difference.”

“Uh huh,” Sam laid down. The roof was warm, almost too hot, under his exposed skin but he didn’t mind. The cool night air wafted over them, taking with it some of the summer sweat. He wasn’t thinking about anything, really. Just staring at the stars. They flickered, like Christmas lights.

“Ella?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you keep looking?” He glanced over at her, and her brow furrowed in confusion. “I mean… don’t you get tired of never finding anything? Isn’t that de-motivating, or whatever? Just scanning the stars, or whatever the fuck you’re doing, night after night? Don’t you get tired of… of the nothingness?”

Ella was silent for a moment, continuing to flip through her books and tap away at her laptop. Sam let the question hang there, ready to crash and burn. It wasn’t his call.

“I don’t have the answers you’re looking for,” She finally said. “I’m not some life-guru, or pastor, or whomever as the answers. I’m a product of my environment. I grew up around science, and I like the monotony. This is my element. We’re very different people, Sam.”

She turned her face upwards, letting the stars reflect off her glasses and she smiled. Small, but it was still there.

“I don’t know where I’d be without this shit. My mom… she really inspired me with her dedication and passion. I grew up wanting to join her in that passion, and now it’s her legacy passed down onto me. I can’t imagine going a day without it. It’s like breathing, or… or…”

“Or Jell-O?” He smiled at her, and she smiled back.

“Yeah. Or Jell-O,” Her arms came around to hug herself. She was trying to be nice, but that wasn’t who she was. Ella was blunt. She was honest. She dealed in facts and knowledge. Bending the truth to suit others emotions just wasn’t her way.

“Sam… you’re stubborn. You’re like a fucking brick wall, sometimes. You don’t let people tell you what to do, and I respect that. Fight the man, and all that. But sometimes I worry about that. You’re so obstinate, that you’re always fighting. You never do what other people want, and you just go flying off in whatever direction. You never allow yourself to float and see where things take you.” She pursed her lips in thought, then turned back to her computer.

He wanted to say fuck off, but that would prove her point. He waited to see what else she was going to say, but apparently that was it.

“What, that’s your advice? Just float?”

“Fuck you, I said I didn’t have the answers. I’m just shooting out what I think is right,” She said, shrugging.

“Fuck that. You go on for five minutes about some bullshit, and then your result is to float? What does that even mean?”

“Hey, I’m just calling it like I see it, Floaty Boy,” She said. “And it means I’m working on something, so go jump off a roof.”

“What are you even working on?” Sam asked, leaning over and yearning a smack on the shoulder as he got to close.

“I’m trying to… you know what, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Okay, great, thanks for nothing, you cryptic cunt,” Sam growled, leaning back down.

Ella’s shoulder shook with laughter, “Oh my God, I’m getting that as a sticker.”

“I’m sure Kate will be ecstatic to help you with that,” Sam said, attempting to keep his mouth a frown, but the corners were fighting him.

“You still in love with her?” Ella asked. Sam scowled at her, hoping the death in his eyes was properly conveyed, and Ella shrugged back, “Hey, just making sure I didn’t miss anything.”

“I am not in _love_ with her,” He muttered.

“Yeah, sure,” She scribbled someone on a notepad. “You just want to jump her bones, call her sweetheart, and grow old and gray with her.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at her, “I really don’t like you.”

“I get that a lot,” Ella said.

They fell back into silence.

Kate had come into his life like a hurricane. She tore up everything with a smile. She infuriated him to no ends. They fought all the time, but at the end of the day… they were friends. He remembered the first day Kate had come to the group home. Her lip busted, her clothes scruffy, and a glint in her eyes. Tsuyoshi, while hesitant at first, had warmed up to her almost instantly. It might have had something to do with their shared love of the Patriots.

She was a storm. Unpredictable, wild, full of energy, and dangerous. She got into more trouble than Sam thought humanly possible, and he had been to juvie. She moved through life with the confidence Sam only dreamed of. She made friends like it was nothing. Kate was a force of nature, and Sam didn’t know if he was terrified or entranced by her.

“You know,” Ella started, a dangerous hint in her voice. “Kate probably won’t say no if you ask her out.”

“We’re friends,” Sam said instantly. “I don’t want to mess that shit up.”

“Look, dipshit,” Ella slapped his arm, causing him to look at her. “I know you’ve got your head shoved so far up your own ass about all this existential bullshit with stagnation and not feeling fulfilled, but Kate is right there. She is right in front of you, and I see how she looks at you. I see how you look at _her,_ for fucks sake.”

Sam’s heart stuttered, “How… how does she look at me?”

Ella groaned, “I don’t fucking know. Like, when she sees you, everything snaps into place. Her eyes light up, and every time I mention you her whole face gets lighter. It’s like she looks at you and sees everything. I don’t fucking know, love is weird.”

“L… love?”

“No, not… well… I don’t know,” Ella dragged her hands down her face, groaning. “I don’t know her actual feelings. I’m just saying love is complicated and weird. But Kate’s feelings for you are real, even if they’re just a crush or whatever. But she isn’t going to wait around for you forever. She’s turning eighteen next month, and then she is out of here. You’ve heard her. She’s going to college, and she’s actually going to do something with her life. You need to get off your ass.”

“I… I… what?” Sam felt like his tongue had stopped working.

“Dude, just go to sleep,” Ella kicked a machine that had started whirring angrily. “Talk to Tsuyoshi tomorrow. He’s better with the actual feelings.”

“I think it is tomorrow,” Sam responded. It had been nearly midnight when he had exited his room.

Ella threw up her hands, “Time is a social construct. Nothing is real, we’re all dying, the universe is hurtling towards the infinite emptiness, and nothing matters. Live your life already and stop waiting for someone to live it for you.”

“Jesus, calm down on the existential shit,” Sam snorted.

“I will cut you,” Ella flipped out her knife, and Sam raised his hands, chuckling under his breathe.

“Alright, alright. G’night, pipsqueak,” He said.

“Night, rat.”

Sam slipped down the railing, leaving Ella to her stars and codes. Carlos, the heaviest sleeper to ever exist, didn’t even stir as he came back in and laid down on his bed.

It didn’t take long until Sam had entered a dreamless, and restful, sleep. When he woke the sun was streaming through the window. Carlos was gone, and the smell of eggs wafted through the open doorway.

Tugging on a pair of basketball shorts, Sam walked out, noting that Andrew had already left, and into the kitchen. Carlos, ever the cook, was frying several eggs on the stove. He greeted Sam cheerfully, asking him if he wanted one. Sam responded with a yes and sat down next to Tsuyoshi.

Their guardian, a tired veteran who was barely entering his early thirties, was sipping coffee and reading something off his cracked phone. He didn’t smell like cigarettes, and Sam felt relieved. He had slept well that night. Tsuyoshi gave a grunt in greeting, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Across from Sam was Ella, who looked like she had made squares of Jell-O out of coffee. The circles under her eyes were worse, but she gave him a little smile. He’d have get Carlos to make her sleep. He was the only one who could actually convince the little gremlin to do normal human things.

Next to her was Kate, and Sam felt himself grow frustrated as he looked at her. After the night he had had, he didn’t know how to look at her anymore. She was chatting with Carlos, talking about somebody she had met at her job at the supermarket. Her eyes wide and alive. Her body always moving, tapping her fingers or waving her arms dramatically.

She was a star, burning a million miles away from where Sam stood.

“Tsuyoshi,” Ella suddenly said, causing the older man to glance up. “Take Sam to the garage with you today. He needs to get out of the house.”

Tsuyoshi raised an eyebrow. Surprised that Ella would suggest something like that, but his brotherly emotions seemed to win out, and he turned to Sam.

“Want to get some cousin bonding?” He asked.

“We’re only cousins through marriage,” Sam muttered, but nodded.

“Cool. We’ve got some bikes you can work on,” Tsuyoshi said.

That would work. Sam, while never having met his birth parents, had apparently inherited his mothers love of machines, and especially bikes. He loved tinkering with them, pulling them apart and putting them back together.

Breakfast didn’t take long. Kate soon left for work, Ella disappeared with her coffee Jell-O cubes, and Carlos mentioned attempting to weed their disaster of a front lawn. Tsuyoshi and Sam started walking down the street. The garage was only a few blocks away, it being run by an ancient Hispanic man who probably would have sold his soul to keep Tsuyoshi working there.

“So,” Tsuyoshi started, and Sam stiffened. “Ella never suggests anything unless she wants something. What’s up?”

“It’s nothing,” Sam muttered, but Tsuyoshi gave him the Father™ look and Sam felt his resolve melting. “It’s just some stupid thing about Kate and time running out and stagnation and the meaningless existence of humanity.”

Tsuyoshi didn’t even seem phased, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Fuck you,” Sam said, but with no real heat behind it.

“I’ve been noticing you’ve been off,” Tsuyoshi said. “You’ve stopped coming with me to the garage less and less often. You and Carlos haven’t really interacted in weeks. Even your arguing with Kate has lessened.”

“I’m just not feeling it,” Sam shrugged. Tsuyoshi raised an eyebrow – his signature move – but waited for him to elaborate. “I just feel… I don’t know. Just stuck, I guess. I don’t have the motivation to go do stupid shit. Like Ella said. Stagnant, or whatever. I feel like I should be out there,” He gestured wildly. “Doing actual shit. Just… something.”

Tsuyoshi grimaced, rubbing his forehead with the heel of his hand. He opened his mouth to say something, but then winced and closed it. After another shake of his head, he said, “Get over it?”

“Ella says float, you say get over it,” Sam groaned. “Do any of you have actual good advice?”

“Like you’d take it?” Tsuyoshi asked, and Sam smacked his arm. “Look, I know you’re going to hate me for saying this –” Sam narrowed his eyes. “—but I think it’s a phase? Now, listen. I don’t mean it in a bad way, I just mean… everyone feels stuck at some point. And you just have to find your rope to climb out of it. For me, it was the army.”

“Yeah, and look where that got you,” Sam snorted, glancing down at Tsuyoshi’s prosthetic leg.

“Yeah, I got hurt,” Tsuyoshi said. “But it gave me meaning. Gave me a purpose. And after that it was you guys. I’m not the best guardian, but it gives me a reason to get up in the morning. And I think you just need something like that.”

“I am not taking care of some little snotty brats,” Sam muttered, and Tsuyoshi laughed.

“You don’t need to. Just find something to get you out of your rut.”

Sam didn’t answer, staring at his shoes. Tsuyoshi’s words made sense, no matter how much he didn’t want them to. He needed an outlet. A purpose. Right now, he was wandering.

“Also, you need to ask out Kate soon or Carlos is going to do it for you,” Tsuyoshi warned as they walked into the garage.

“Fucking what?” Sam exclaimed, head snapping up.

Tsuyoshi sat down on his stool, exchanging his nice prosthetic for his work one. He preferred to keep the nice prosthetic Andrew had hooked him up with clean and away from the greasy cars. As he made sure it was snuggly on, he looked up with mirth in his eyes. “Dude, it’s obvious.”

“We’re friends,” Sam said weakly. “I don’t want to ruin that. It took so long for our fighting to not be actual fighting.”

“Yeah, but you’re running out of time,” Tsuyoshi said. “If you don’t want to act on your feelings, that’s cool. Just know that Carlos, Ella, and I have money riding on this and I need you to ask her out by the 17th.”

“You motherfuckers,” Sam muttered.

Tsuyoshi laughed at that but said nothing in response. The two of them fell into their routine. Even if it had been a while since Sam had worked here, he knew his way around a car, or a bike. He knew this garage like the back of his hand.

It was like a second home, but even now it felt off.

“Look,” Tsuyoshi sighed, placing a hand on Sam’s shoulder a few hours later. “How about we just relax tonight. Watch Hot Fuzz, relax, and just take a breather. Like old times. How does that sound?”

Sam smiled, nodding, “Sound good.”

The rest of the day went by almost to fast. Before he knew it, they were walking home and sitting down on their ratty couch, watching the movie and smack-talked each other until they were blue in the face. It was fun. It felt familiar.

But even then, it felt like a punch in the gut.

An ache that told him he couldn’t ever get those good times back.

When the movie finally finished and Tsuyoshi left for his room, he finally crawled into bed. Carlos was already shaking the walls with his snores. He laid down on top of the covers, facing the window. He looked out, eyes searching for the stars. The sky was overcast. Clouds, dark and thick, covered the night sky.

No stars blinked back at him.

 


End file.
